To be clear, this isn’t a list of the best movies of 2010. This is a list of the best movies of 2010 that I actually saw, and I only saw like ten movies. For those of you not familiar with my criteria, I judge every movie I see using a completely objective scoring system of ‘did it star Jennifer Aniston’ or ‘did it not star Jennifer Aniston’. The results may surprise you.
1. The Social Network
This is the story of how Michael Cera invented the greatest tool for creepy old guys to stalk underage girls with since the windowless van. I don’t have a Facebook page, but if I did I’d have only one friend, and that would be Justin Timberlake because when the world was completely bereft of sexy he had the courage to bring it back. Fun Fact: the term Winklevi makes me giggle.
2. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
In this movie the kid from Zombieland gains the affection of a hot chick by beating the crap out of all of her exes. If real life worked like that I’d probably still be a virgin. I keep hearing that the graphic novel was better, but I didn’t read the graphic novel and I thought this movie was awesome, so suck it, nerds.
3. Toy Story 3
In my mind Pixar can do no wrong. Except for Finding Nemo, because that one kind of sucked. And Toy Story 2 wasn’t that great either. And Cars 2 looks awful. But Wall-E rocked. Anyway, Toy Story 3 was perfect in just about every way. I only wish they could have explored some darker territory, like all of the awkward moments Woody and Buzz spent watching a teenage Andy while he was ‘alone’ in his room. Think about it.
4. The A-Team
When I was a kid, the A-Team was one of my favorite TV shows. It taught me that there was nothing cooler than pitying fools, smoking cigars, shooting the shit outta bad guys, and big black windowless vans (if you’re counting, that’s 2 windowless van references in one post). I was hoping to use this movie to instill these values into my own children. However, while the film stayed faithful to most of the television series’ principles, it came up far short in the van department. I guess my kids will just have to learn that one on their own.
5. The Town
The Town was pretty much like Good Will Hunting, but they replaced Matt Damon with lots of guns and explosions. If I learned one lesson from this movie, it’s that Boston is a place where I’d never own a bank. Oh, and Jon Hamm plus Ben Affleck is almost too much cool to be contained in one shot. We’re allowed to say that Ben Affleck is cool again, right? Right?
Honorable Mention: True Grit – Ok, I didn’t actually see this movie, but I’m pretty sure it’s The Big Lebowski 2 and that sounds pretty sweet.
Finally, in case you’re wondering why Inception isn’t on this list…it wasn’t all that great. Sorry, Joel.