Football is upon us. But if you aren’t a fan, you are in luck. There is no need to watch any of the games this season, as I have dug deep and found my inner Nostradamus in order to accurately pick how the season will play out. Leading up to the first game of the season, I’ll be releasing how I see each team finishing, one division at a time. So please, read my predictions and take them as fact. While you are at it, just skip watching any games this season. If no one watches any games, I can’t be wrong.
Let’s get the worst division out of the way first. The NFC West. It was a disaster last year and will be again this year. When Alex Smith is the third best quarterback in the division, you know there is a problem. While Kevin Kolb won’t be insanely successful this season, he’ll do enough to improve the Cardinals from what they were last year. Not enough to help them win the division.
While the Cardinals improved and the 49ers and Rams stayed the same, the Seahawks went backwards. At some point in the offseason, they decided that it would be a good idea to start a combination of Tarvaris Jackson and Charlie Whitehurst at quarterback and throw a bunch of money at Sidney Rice. The Seahawks are notorious for giving lots of money to average receivers (see: Jackson, Darrell; Burleson, Nate; Houshmandzadeh, T.J.) and they made the same mistake again. Rice is a guy who struggles with injuries and doesn’t have a decent quarterback throwing to him. He did the whole Tarvaris Jackson “throwing” to him thing in Minnesota and it didn’t work out so well. In the eight games they played together, Jackson and Rice hooked up 23 times for 372 yards and 5 touchdowns. Exciting.
Luckily for the Seahawks, they are in the NFC West and get to play the other teams in their division twice. Meaning they will all finish with mediocre records because they play each other so often. At least we won’t have a team in the playoffs with a losing record this year as I see the Rams winning the division at 8-8, the Cardinals finishing in second at 7-9, the Seahawks not sucking enough for Luck with a record of 6-10 and the Alex Smith led 49ers bringing up the rear at 5-11.
Check back later when I attempt to write about the second least entertaining division, the AFC West, without falling asleep.