Week 9 NFL Picks

Say what you will about the inaccuracies of my picks lately, but I made a commitment to bring you thoughtful and informative picks each week. You’re still reading, so I assume you enjoy what I’m writing. That, or I have begged you to read my articles. My point is that I’m sticking to my commitment. Unlike Kim Kardashian. Zing! I apologize for the long set up for a Kim Kardashian joke, but that’s all I have for you this week. Lines are from ESPN and picks in caps as always.

ATLANTA FALCONS (-7.5) at Indianapolis Colts

I have finally given up hope that the Colts will even cover the spread. They’re bad and now their fans are all in on Andrew Luck.

New York Jets at BUFFALO BILLS (+1.5)

I really don’t trust the Jets in this game. I have a feeling that Rex Ryan has been very depressed this week after Joe Namath called him fat. Although, all Ryan needs to do is direct Namath to this video gem.

Cleveland Browns at HOUSTON TEXANS (-10.5)

As if crushing the heart of his fantasy football owners across the country wasn’t enough, Peyton Hillis felt it necessary to crush the hearts of children at the Cleveland Boys and Girls Club by not showing up to their Halloween party. Maybe he’ll take it another step this week and crush the hearts of Browns fans by not showing up to the game.

Hillis should play this week, but I doubt he'll be effective. (Chris Graythen/Getty Images)

Seattle Seahawks at DALLAS COWBOYS (-12.5)

DeMarcus Ware already has 12 sacks this season, which puts him on pace to break the single-season sack record. Ware should add a couple more to his total against the Seahawks.

Miami Dolphins at KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (-6.5)

I’m really out of things to say about the Miami Dolphins. And don’t worry, I just checked the schedule, they do not play the Colts this year. That would be the only Dolphins game worth watching.

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (+7.5) at New Orleans Saints

Last week, Joe Bryant wrote that when the Saints demolished the Colts on Sunday night, they scored more points in that one game than the Rams had scored all year. Then the Saints lost to the Rams. You can’t explain that.

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (-3.5) at Washington Redskins

Last week, the 49ers beat the Browns 20-10. Last week, the Redskins lost to the Bills 23-0. If I have learned anything from this year, the Redskins will blowout the 49ers. That won’t really happen though… right?

CINCINNATI BENGALS (+2.5) at Tennessee Titans

Did you realize that Andy Dalton has more wins this year than Michael Vick, Tony Romo, Matt Ryan, Josh Freeman and Philip Rivers?

Denver Broncos at OAKLAND RAIDERS (-7.5)

By now, I’m sure you have heard of this #OccupyTebow movement. If not, the Internet rose up and took over the comments section of Bill Williamson’s article on ESPNwith their “Greater Than Tebow” comments. My personal favorite: Stormtrooper’s aim > Tebow.

Much to my excitement, Tebowing caught on. (Aaron Ontiveroz/AP)

GREEN BAY PACKERS (-5.5) at San Diego Chargers

Apparently, starring in his own Buffalo Wild Wings commercial was the worst day ever for Philip Rivers. And how does Norv Turner still have a job?

ST. LOUIS RAMS (+4.5) at Arizona Cardinals

It’s not a good sign for Kevin Kolb when an argument could be made that Drew Stanton was the best quarterback from the 2007 NFL draft. If the Cardinals decide that Kolb isn’t their guy, it looks like Mark Brunell could use some money.

NEW YORK GIANTS (+8.5) at New England Patriots

The Giants should sign David Tyree to see if he could recreate his Super Bowl XLII heroics with another game winning catch. Or maybe the Patriots could sign him since they are down a receiver after Julian Edelman had an interesting Halloween. A Halloween than ended in him getting arrested while dressed as an officer from Reno 911!.

BALTIMORE RAVENS (+3.5) at Pittsburgh Steelers

I’m going to write off last week’s near loss against the Cardinals as one of those games where the Ravens were just looking ahead to the next week. After two terrible weeks, I have to think the Ravens get back on track.

Chicago Bears at PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (-6.5)

So does that win against the Cowboys mean that the Eagles are back? I really don’t know, but they have Jay Cutler this week. I would set the over/under on Jay Cutler interceptions at 3 and still probably take the over.

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