It’s almost time for the Super Bowl, my favorite holiday. And every holiday could be improved with gambling. Wouldn’t Christmas be more fun if you were betting on the odds that your grandma got you another sweater? Maybe I just have a problem.
The great thing about the Super Bowl is that you can bet on everything. They’re called prop bets. You can bet on how many touchdowns you think Eli Manning will throw. You can even bet on how long it will take Kelly Clarkson to sing the national anthem! But before I get into the bets, let me explain the odds. For a bet labeled as +200, you would win $200 on a $100 bet. For one labeled -200, you need to bet $200 in order to win $100. For bets labeled as even, you would win $100 on a $100 bet.
With that cleared up, here are my favorite prop bets for this year’s Super Bowl, with my picks in caps:
1. Longest touchdown of the game
OVER 49.5 (-115) or Under 49.5 (-115)
By taking the over, the game immediately becomes more exciting. Big plays are always fun.
2. What color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the head coach of the winning team?
Blue (+1000), CLEAR/WATER (EVEN), Lime green (+550), Orange (+250), Red (+800), or Yellow (+200)
Bet on clear. It may be boring, but it’s as close to a guaranteed win as you will find. I have an insider tip on this one, so just trust me. Fine, Vikings punter Chris Kluwe answered some questions on Reddit and someone asked what is in the Gatorade cups. He replied, “The Gatorade cups contain water AND Gatorade, and it’s been orange flavor for the past 5 years (and presumably many more before that).” This establishes continuity. If other teams are like the Vikings, they don’t change their flavor of Gatorade. When the Giants beat the Patriots in Super Bowl last time, the Gatorade was clear. When the Patriots won 19 games in a row, the Gatorade was clear. If I had to guess, I’d say the Gatorade will be clear.
3. Total sacks by both teams
OVER 4 (-135) or Under 4 (+105)
Justin Tuck. Osi Umenyoira. Jason Pierre-Paul. Forget the Patriots, the Giants defensive line alone will get more than four sacks.
4. Jersey number of player to score first touchdown in Super Bowl XLVI
OVER 80.5 (-130) or Under 80.5 (even)
By taking the over, you’re counting on a receiver or tight end to score the first touchdown. Except for Victor Cruz, because he’s number 80. Even a touchdown from any defensive lineman for the Giants would cover this bet. Let’s hope for no salsa dancing after the first touchdown.
5. Total fumbles lost by both teams
OVER 1.5 (+150) or Under 1.5 (-180)
This prop ties to number three. With a defensive line like the Giants have, there will be a few sacks. With a few sacks, the chances of a fumble are pretty high. All that’s needed is a fumble on a sack and another Kyle Williams-type play.
6. Madonna – What color will her hair be when she begins the Super Bowl Halftime Show?
BLONDE -400 or Any other color +300
The +300 on any color other than blonde will draw all the suckers, but if you want the easy money, bet on blonde. A Google search of Madonna images over the past week shows only a blonde Madonna. I’m not betting on her changing now.
7. Eli Manning – Total touchdown passes thrown
OVER 2.5 (+180) or Under 2.5 (-240)
We have established that the Patriots pass defense is the second worst in the NFL, right?
8. Aaron Hernandez – Total receiving yards
OVER 66.5 (-115) or Under 66.5 (-115)
I realize that Hernandez has not had more than 66 yards receiving in the playoffs. Until now, Rob Gronkowski hasn’t been injured. Gronk will play with the injury, but I expect Tom Brady to lean on Hernandez more. After Vernon Davis lit up the Giants for 112 yards and two touchdowns, Hernandez should have an issue reaching 67 yards.
9. Will there be overtime?
YES (+650) or No (-1100)
Has there ever been a Super Bowl to go into overtime? Nope! If you’re smart, you’ll take the free money by betting no. But what if the game does go into overtime…
10. Kelly Clarkson – How long will it take her to sing the National Anthem (from when the first note starts until she completes saying “brave”)?
OVER 1 MINUTE 35 SECONDS (-115) or Under 1 minute 35 seconds (-115)
When Kelly Clarkson sang the National Anthem during the 2011 NBA Finals, it took her about one minute and 33 seconds. When she sang the National Anthem before a Cowboys game, it took her about one minute and 29 seconds. This is the Super Bowl. I would bet all my money that she is going to stretch out the note on brave and care it over one minute and 35 seconds. Christina Aguilera did it last year and I was on the winning side.