Five Reasons Why Football Is Better Than Baseball

The other night, Joel admitted to me that he thought baseball was a better sport than football.  I didn’t hit him in the face like he deserved because he’s just too pretty.  Instead, I’ll present a well crafted argument to prove to him that he’s wrong.  I’ve chosen 5 categories in which to compare the two sports, and assigned them completely objective (or possibly random) scores in order to settle this days-old argument once and for all.

1. Videogames – Baseball has had some standout video game titles; RBI Baseball, Bases Loaded, Extra Innings…and probably a bunch of other stuff up until the recent MLB 12 The Show.  I love The Show, if only because last season I won the AL Cy Young, AL MVP, and the World Series.  It felt awesome, and I like feeling awesome.  However, I’m going to give this category to football. In spite of Madden.  That’s right, I said it. All of you fan boys can shut up; it isn’t that great a game anymore.  Sure it sells tons of copies, but so do Adele albums.  Let’s be honest, the game hasn’t been innovative in years, except in the area of giving linebackers god-like vertical leaps and the ability to intercept any Eli Manning pass that isn’t thrown more  than 30 yards down the field.  And I miss 2K.  So there’s that.

So why does football win?

‘Nuff said.

Score: 6 points for football, only because LT blocked the PAT.

2. Watching On TV – Do I even need to write anything here?  If I only had two channels to choose from – one showing baseball and the other being the Oprah Winfrey Network – I’d probably just go outside.  And I HATE outside.  I guess baseball on TV can get interesting when Jose Valverde is on the verge of blowing yet another one of Justin Verlander’s starts, but outside of the 9th inning and an occasional homerun, I just don’t find it very captivating.  Football at least has the potential to always be exciting.  Especially if you’re the kind of guy that enjoys watching the Giants come from behind to beat the Cowboys in week 14, then beat them again in week 17 to knock them out of playoff contention.  Suck it, Romo.  Wait, what was I…oh yeah, football is more fun to watch.  Like, by a lot.

Score: A narrow 3 point victory for the Gia…errr…football.

3. Watching In Real Life – This one is tough for me, because I’ve only ever been to one NFL game, and a handful of MLB games, and it seems that every experience of actually getting out to a stadium and being part of the crowd is exciting in its own way.  So I guess I’m going to have to judge this on my single best going-to-a-game experience.  That would be the Cardinals vs. Cowboys game I went to in…’96?  ’97?  I can’t remember.  Anyway, Sun Devil Stadium was full of 90% Cowboys fans, and the place ran out of beer shortly after halftime, resulting in a bunch of pissed off mostly drunk Texans, and an actual fistfight breaking out two rows behind me when the Cardinals actually won. *

In other words, the exact opposite of this.

*I hope my wife doesn’t read this, because I probably really should have said my best experience was taking my two boys to their first Mariners game.  But c’mon…drunken Texans fistfighting! It was sweet!

Score: -$21 for baseball, which is what I paid for 2 orders of garlic fries and a Pepsi at Tuesday’s Mariners game.

4. Fantasy – Ever since my first year of fantasy football (where I won the championship) my teams have been just terrible.  Who would’ve thought that drafting pretty much the whole NY Giants team last year would be a bad idea?  I’ve had far better luck with baseball, coming in 2nd last year and having a pretty commanding hold on 1st for the majority of this year.  I mean, I’ve got Cabrera, Braun, Verlander, and Weaver…c’mon.  Personal successes and failures aside, fantasy baseball is just more engaging.  With football, I only get one agonizing day a week to watch my players underperform.  With baseball, it’s every day.  In fairness, if my baseball team decides to tank this year, this answer is subject to change.

Score:  7.5 points for baseball.  Coincidentally, that is also my lead over Joel in our fantasy league.  Weird.

5. Injuries – Football injuries are the best injuries in sports, hands down.  For example:

Baseball injuries are lame.  Seriously, Mike Moustakas just missed a game due to “general soreness”.  Pitchers get Tommy John surgery, which sounds like a made-up thing to me.  Sometimes a guy gets hit in the head with a fastball, but not often enough to feed my blood lust.  Hahaha, jokes…

Here’s the thing.  I don’t wish for people to get hurt.  I don’t watch games specifically to see broken bones and concussions.  But it’s kind of like if Rosie O’Donnell were to make a sex tape.  I don’t want to see Rosie O’Donnell having sex, in fact the idea is horrifying, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to watch it.

Score:  When Rosie O’Donnell is involved, everyone loses.

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