Monday Mailbag – Featuring Chap-man, Tatman, and the Big Cheese

Normally I start off the mailbag with an intro. But I feel lazy today and writing an intro is just a bit too much work. Plus, you’re really only here for the .gifs and Photoshops. So in lieu of an intro, here is Mat Latos after he unsuccessfully blew a bubble:

Mat Latos doesn’t know how to chew gum.

As always, these are real questions from fake readers.

Q: What’s wrong with Adrian Gonzalez? – Bobby V.

Joel: This is a good question. Adrian Gonzalez’s struggles got lost in Albert Pujols’ slow start. But Gonzalez has not been good this year and is on pace to hit about 14 home runs. Not only that, but Gonzalez has walked fewer times (16) than Pujols (20) as well. I don’t know if this is an “Oh crap, he just doesn’t have it anymore” thing like Lincecum or a temporary ailment like Chris Perez’s stomach (warning: that link is to a .gif of Perez puking on the field. You’ve been warned, unless you clicked the link before reading this warning.) Regardless, Adrian Gonzalez isn’t playing like Adrian Gonzalez.

Q: What was the most impressive pitching performance of the week? – Kevin M.

Keenan: I guess you could go with the Mariners no-hitting the Dodgers, but it took them 6 different pitchers. That’s almost as bad as needing 2 writers to write a mailbag once a week, (even if it does turn out awesome). My vote goes to Dickey vs. Wang, because tee-hee.

Q: Are the Royals the most racist team in baseball? – Ty C.

Joel: It’s tough to be more racist than the Cleveland Indians just because of their name. Or the Altanta Braves for the same reason and they also had John Rocker. But after Saturday, the Royals definitely made a run at being the most racist team thanks to Humberto Quintero. To be fair, Bruce Chen wasn’t offended, so I’ll stick with Rocker’s Braves.

Q: Okay, I have to ask… any good puns this week? – Ryan R.

Joel: always delivers. Always. Here are my three favorites, with Keenan’s Photoshop interpretations:

3. The big cheese: Colby’s five hits pace Blue Jays

Hey, I didn’t write the pun.

2. Bucs prove Aroldis is still a Chap-man

Unfortunately, you can barely see the monocle.

1. Tatman rescues D-backs from dark night vs. A’s

“When Oakland is in ashes you have my permission to die.”

According to Google, Tatman has been used as a nickname for Ryan Roberts. But still, this headline is so terrible. So terrible that I want to find whoever wrote this and shake his or her hand. Well done.

Q: When did Alfonso Soriano become a homerun machine? – Matt L.

Keenan: The minute I made fun of my buddy Matt for rostering him on his fantasy team. I guess by default his newfound power makes him our Outside is Overrated Weekly Stud of the Week, but seriously, Alfonso Soriano?

Joel: Wait, we still can’t give the Outside is Overrated Weekly Stud of the Week to Justin Smoak? I’m pretty sure he pitched during that no-hitter. Everyone else on the Mariners did.

That’s it for this week. Remember to email us your questions at

This entry was posted in Sports and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Monday Mailbag – Featuring Chap-man, Tatman, and the Big Cheese

  1. Sean Breslin says:

    The Braves are more racist than THAT? Wow.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s