We had some great clown questions last week, but unfortunately there is no theme for this week. There was potential for chicken-themed questions in honor of Frank Francisco calling the Yankees chickens, but that was too much work. So instead of some rambling introduction, let’s get straight to the questions, .gifs, and Photoshops. As always, these are real questions from fake readers.
Q: Isn’t the Joel Peralta suspension a bit excessive? – Brett L. and Delmon Y.
Joel: Yes. An eight-game suspension for having “a significant amount” of pine tar in your glove seems like it’s a few games too long. My reaction was similar to the face Jemile Weeks makes in the batters box.
And Baltimore Orioles pitcher Darren O’Day agrees that this suspension is just ridiculous:
So having pine tar on your glove is twice as reprehensible as throwing your helmet at an umpire??? Unbelievable.
— Darren O’Day (@DODay56) June 21, 2012
Keenan: I think they should have investigated the situation a little more before handing down the sentence. Perhaps Peralta was just keeping a tasty snack of delicious, delicious pine tar in his glove. Mmmmmmm…pine tar…
Q: I can’t think of a clever way to ask about the best MLB.com headlines… so, yeah. – Keenan H.
Joel: Well Keenan, I’m glad you brought them up! Here are my favorites from the past week with Photoshops, from you:
The best part of the Hanson pun is that they’ve already used it.
Keenan: I couldn’t come up with a Photoshop for #2 that wasn’t terribly stupid or horribly racist.
Q: Why are all Yankees’ fans idiots? – Jason H.
Joel: Before I upset the majority of the baseball fan population, not all Yankees’ fans are idiots. Just 99% of them. Included in that 99% are these fans:
There are so many great things about this .gif. Of course you noticed the overly excited fan with the quintuple fist pump in a game where, after that home run, the Yankees are down 6-3. You also noticed overly excited fan’s lady friend give him a hearty slap on the back, followed by a jumping, half-hug before sealing the deal by pointing at and heckling Jason Heyward, all while holding her beer. But did you notice the sleeveless fan slide over a few seats to give the wall a few good smacks and throw some air punches while shouting at Heyward? Or what about the backwards hat kid in the oversized, unbuttoned Yankee’s jersey with no shirt underneath? He succumbs to peer pressure with a soft punch of his glove and then a weak wall slap. He is truly a young Yankee fan in training. While all this craziness happens in the stands, Heyward simply walks away laughing. Best. .GIF. Ever.
Keenan: I reflected on this question for quite a while, and came to this conclusion: asking why all Yankees fans are idiots is like asking why they cast Guy Pierce as an old man with a terrible makeup job in Prometheus, instead of just casting an actual old man. Or asking why someone would watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory and think to themselves “I rather like this”. Or asking why my wife cries herself to sleep every night. These are all questions with no answers, and really not worth dwelling on. Yankees fans are idiots, and we just need to accept this as the truth and move on.
Q: Something something Stud of the Week something. – Some Guy
Keenan: My choice for our Outside is Overrated Weekly Stud of the Week is Will Middlebrooks. Numbers wise, in the last 7 days he’s second to only Mike Trout on the ESPN fantasy player rater. But, more importantly, he went up against Kevin Youkilis in a winner-take-all, Thunderdome-esque battle for everyday 3rd base rights, and emerged the victor. At least that’s how I like to imagine it going down. Oh man, why didn’t I photoshop that?
Joel: But does Middlebrooks have an awesome Trout hat?
Remember, we’d love to answer real questions if you would actually send them to firstname.lastname@example.org.