Last week was the start of interleague play, and interleague play really isn’t very entertaining. No one really cares that the Miami Marlins are playing the Cleveland Indians, so please excuse me for not paying much attention to baseball last week. Also, my fantasy team has been sucking and that makes me not want to watch baseball. Or maybe I’m just cranky because Keenan put Icy Hot in my jock strap. But I’m obligated to do a mailbag and it’s Monday, so I should probably get to it. With Keenan’s “help” of course. As always, these are real questions from fake readers.
Q: Keenan, I see that you traded Jered Weaver in your fantasy league. Did you finally take someone’s advice and sell high? – Joel N.
Keenan: Joel, I refuse to give you any credit for my Weaver trade. I’m still convinced he’s one of the better fantasy pitchers out there, but I couldn’t resist the chance to get Darvish, if for no other reason than to create this:
Q: I’m in need of a first baseman in my fantasy league, any suggestions? – Lance Berkman
Joel: Funny you should ask. I just finished reading Kevin Goldstein’s piece on Matt Adams, the recently called up prospect for the St. Louis Cardinals. I know nothing about him, but apparently he went to Slippery Rock University. And I’m not convinced that’s a real school, but I like the name.
Keenan: I’ve been to that part of PA, and I have to admit that I was disappointed in the amount of slippery. The rocks were fairly smooth, at best.
Q: Bees? – Gob B.
Joel: No, bees. In Colorado. Trust me, it was more exciting than actually watching the the Rockies, who are just terrible at baseball. Which is strange, because that’s their job. I mean really, how hard can it bee? Zzzzzzz…
Q: Really? You guys aren’t going to say anything about Adam Jones? Do you hate the Orioles or something? – Cal R.
Joel: Well since Josh Hamilton decided to take the week off, I guess Adam Jones is the Outside is Overatted Weekly Stud of the Week by default. Because home runs.
Keenan: Actually, it should be the Orioles fans. They went a whole week without running half-naked onto the field.
Q: What are your thoughts about interleague play? – Bud S.
Joel: Well, I already mentioned this above, but interleague play does have some benefits. Like Bartolo Colon attempting to hit a baseball. But mostly it’s boring. So boring that the Giants were forced to show Brian Wilson playing with two Brian Wilsons.
Keenan: Call me old-fashioned but I don’t even think different leagues should be sharing the same drinking fountain, much less playing games together.
And now I’ve filled my “jokes that were in poor taste” quota for the day.
Would he, could he take first base?
Would he, could he fall on his face?
He would not, could not keep his feet.
He would not, could not stay off his seat.
He did not like that Morales pitch,
Will Rhymes just fainted like a bitch.
Joel: *drops mic*
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